Last updated: July 2025

Not legally binding unless you laugh at least once (I'm pretty sue this line won't stand up in court!)

Welcome to Phil’s Good Food , the online shop for people who think cheese should come with a backstory, beer should have opinions, and hampers should arrive looking like a hug in a box.

Before you order that glistening bottle of small-batch stout or that wheel of cheese that smells like a strong opinion, there are just a few ground rules. The legal stuff. The small print. The bits no one reads until there’s an argument over chutney.

We’re Phil’s Good Food, based in Wokingham, UK. A one-man band (with very good taste) selling local and great produce that he thinks is proper. (i.e. because it has been made to be good, not made to make as money as possible).

Our website: www.philsgoodfood.co.uk
Our email: orders@philsgoodfood.co.uk
Our vibe: indie shop, zero nonsense, maximum cheese.

When you place an order with us, you agree to:

• Not use our beer as shampoo
   
• Not resell our cheese as “handcrafted soap”
   
• Actually pay for what you order (revolutionary, we know)
   

In return, we agree to:

• Deliver what you ordered (although we may substitute something in a hamper if we don't have stock, but it will be just as good, or better, and at least of the same value).
   
• Make it delicious
   
• Be reasonably pleasant in emails
   

All products are subject to availability. That’s not code for “we forgot to update the website,” we promise.

We do our best to keep everything accurate, descriptions, prices, photos, but if the beer label gets a redesign or the cheese turns out round instead of wedge-shaped, please don’t call Trading Standards. We're not Amazon (thank f*ck). We're better dressed and we care.

All prices are in British Pounds (£), and include VAT where applicable.
Delivery is extra, unless it isn’t , we’ll make it clear, promise.

We try not to change prices too often, but if Barkham Blue suddenly becomes more expensive than Bitcoin, we may have to adjust.

We accept:

• Debit & credit cards
   
• PayPal
   
• Possibly goats, if it’s a really nice goat (joking, please don’t post livestock)
   

Your payment is handled by proper, secure systems. We never see your card details. We wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway, I still give the kids cash at Christmas.

We deliver across the UK using DPD or Royal Mail. Local delivery around Wokingham is usually done by me.

Estimated delivery time: usually 2–5 working days. If you order just before a bank holiday and expect it next day, that’s fine. But it won't happen. Cheese, or chilled goods, will be sent with a cool pack overnight. 

We use trusted couriers as I said above, and hardly ever have an issue. If your order arrives looking like it went through a hedge, let us know immediately. 

Food and drinks are perishable (like your tolerance for the in-laws at Christmas) so we can’t accept returns unless:

• The product is damaged
   
• We sent you the wrong thing
   
• You’re really, really nice about it
   

Email us within 48 hours of delivery with photos, and we’ll sort it out faster than you can say “mature cheddar.”

If you subscribe to our True Beer club or other delights, you agree to recurring payments, like Netflix, but with flavour.

You can cancel anytime, but we’d miss you. And your fridge would too.

All content on the site, photos, product descriptions, charming turns of phrase, belong to Phil’s Good Food. Don’t pinch any of it. We won't be happy. And Bert, who comes in sometimes, has a brother-in-law who is a lawyer.

Sometimes life gets in the way, postal strikes, snow, cheese-related rioting. If something stops us fulfilling your order, we’ll let you know and do our best to make things right.

These terms are governed by the laws of England and Wales.
Any disputes shall be settled like gentlemen, over afternoon tea. Via email. Or the small claims court, if it comes to it.

We might tweak these terms from time to time. If we do, we’ll update the date at the top. You’re still welcome to read them with a snack and a smirk.

Thanks for sticking with us. We know you’ve got options. But we think choosing Phil’s Good Food means you’ve got excellent taste. Possibly. No, Definitely!

“I read the whole thing. I laughed. I cried. I ordered a hamper.” — Some bloke from Slough